Several years ago, I was going through a season of depression. I was lonely and felt far from God. Just a year and a half before that I started working on Sunday mornings. I had grown up going to church and knew how important it was for my relationship with God. However, I thought skipping a few Sundays wouldn’t make that much of a difference. I let my pride convince me that I was fine on my own and did not need a church or community of believers to keep my faith strong. Fast forward a few months later and I was working 65+ hours per week, living alone, feeling disconnected from friends, and struggling with my faith in God.
Not only did my faith not grow, but I also started believing lies about my worth and my identity in Christ. I thought I wouldn’t be welcomed back at church because of how far I had drifted. I imagined walking in and feeling the judgment of other people. I thought that God was disappointed with me and did not want me as his child.
This season of depression lasted for a few months until I was finally able to see that something needed to change. A good friend convinced me that she cared about me and was worried about me so I started talking to a counselor. I still had my excuses for not being able to attend church and get involved in groups, but I was starting to feel God’s pull on my heart again.
I mustered up the courage to request Sunday morning off from work, and three Sundays in a row I woke up with every intention of trying out a new church. Three Sundays in a row, I let the fear take hold and the thoughts that I am not good enough kept me in bed -- too nauseous to move.
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”
On the fourth week, I enlisted the help of another friend who also wanted to go back to church. The Saturday night before, I was reading my Bible and came across Psalm 5:7 which says, “But I through the abundance of your steadfast love will enter your house.” This verse struck me in a way that I had never experienced before. It felt to me like a personal invitation from God that he wanted me to come to him and worship him. It is only by his abundant love for me that I am able to overcome fear and the lies I had believed about myself and come to a place where I can worship him. That Sunday I came to Forefront Church at Bear Creek K-8 for the first time.
My fears of other people judging me were made up in my mind. I judged myself more harshly than anyone else would have. My fears of God not wanting me were only a manifestation of the shame and disappointment I felt in myself. The truth is that God wants me and has a place for me in his house and in his family. God is inviting you also to enjoy a loving relationship with him. He wants you to throw off the lies that you believe and be reminded of your identity in him. You are WANTED.
“And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”
Prayer: Heavenly Father, Thank you for your steadfast love that gently draws me back to you. Please remind me of the truth of who you say I am.